the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
