Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
