A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
