I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
