Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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