ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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