I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
