you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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