Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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