the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
