Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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