People in love make me want to vomit
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
