Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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