YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
