I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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