do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
