Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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