More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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