so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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