he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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