she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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