I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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