If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
