I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
