I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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