So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
