i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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