some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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