Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I cockslap morals
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
