I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
