I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
