If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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