hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
