The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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