thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
