im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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