I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
