I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
