Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
