Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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