When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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