can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
