TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
