You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
