I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it because I queefed?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
