Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
