i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
