every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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