hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
