3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
