They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I got inside last night via doggy door
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
